


Letter

by WakkaBoom



Category: Bleach
Genre: Both Ichigo and Shiunsui need to learn how to talk, Could have been an OT3, Hurt/Comfort, Jyushirou is mentioned a lot, Let me know what tags to add, M/M, No Beta, Post-Canon, Post-TYBW, Post-Thousand Year Blood War, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-14 03:15:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29411787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WakkaBoom/pseuds/WakkaBoom
Summary: Ichigo was curious about Shunsui, but thanks for the times of peace they can take their time.They both learn to talk, and fail.Then they talk again.They’ll be alright.I cannot do summaries.
Relationships: Kurosaki Ichigo/Kyouraku Shunsui
Comments: 9
Kudos: 22





	Letter

**Author's Note:**

> Please Enjoy this fic.
> 
> It’s been a while since I wrote something so many grammatical errors will be in this.

Ichigo woke to the sound crying. He looked to his side and found Shunsui fast asleep but tears forming in his eyes.

“Jyushiro” his chest rose and fell rapidly, Ichigo went to reach for him, but the older shinigami stoped before his hand reached his shoulder. The younger man felt bad, he couldn’t help his lover in his sleep. After the Quincy war could he even be called a savior?

Ichigo wrapped his arms around him, even if he couldn’t wake him, he would try to hold him in his arms “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry” he pushed his forehead in Shunsui’s back, “I’m sorry I couldn’t save Jyushiro.”

Unbeknown to him, Shunsui was wide awake, remembering his old lover woke him. He cherished his memories with Jyushiro, but he didn’t linger long in them, nothing he can do will bring him back. Instead he focused on Ichigo, who whispered apologies. The older man stayed where he was, after all this time, he still didn’t know what to do. How to comfort his younger lover. He knew why Ichigo was apologizing, no matter how many times he told the younger man, Ichigo always blamed himself for Jyushiro’s death, claiming that he was too slow, too late to help them in the fight. Seemed like it would be another cold night in each other’s arms.

~I&S~

Ichigo walked back to the first barracks, greeting a few a long the way, “Hey, Nanao, Shunsui wanted to speak with me?”

“Hello, Captain Commander is waiting for you at his office. He finished his work for the day, so he is clear for the afternoon” Nanao greeted.

“Thanks” he waved her, wondering what prompted his lover to actually finish work in time.

Seeing Shunsui in his office, near the window, Ichigo remembered the first time they started to see each other. Shunsui always shown interest in him, but never came forward with it, until Ichigo came to Soul Society permanently. The younger man lived a good life, and while he missed his family he found no reason to go to the World of the Living, so he decided to stay, while going to Hueco Mundo once in a while for a good spar with Grimmjow.

Since he was the savior of Soul Society, there was no need to send off to the Academy, insead he would take lessons from the Captains and work from there. He already achieved bankai, so no need for bankai lessons, but his form could do some refining. Kido? Well, they are still trying to find a suitable teacher for him.

~~~~

It was by chance really, Shunsui was tired from his duties, was asked to join Ichigo for dinner. It wasn’t just the two of them, instead a few more joining in. 

A few drinks later, Ichigo took Shunsi home, none of the others tried to even offer, or even could. Instead he made butterflies to their respective squads, requesting help in retrieving their members, as he made sure their captain commander made it to bed safe and sound.

Not much was said for that night, except with Shunsui having a hangover that may last a decade, and Ichigo, busy in the kitchen making suitable food for Shunsui to have, told the captain to sit.

“What a wonderful wife you’ll make, Ichigo” Shunsui remarked and Ichigo go red as his namesake. 

“Bastard! Why you say that?!” He turned to the shinigami. Shunsui, realizing what he said, tried to apologize, but his apology was half-hearted. He really thought Ichigo would be a fine partner, and whoever captured this saviors heart would be a blessed being.

Seeing as the apology was not coming, Ichigo calmed down and finished breakfast, setting two plated down. Shunsui like the idea of breakfast together.

“So last nigh -” he started, wondering if he did anything he might regret later.

“Nothing happened, I just brought you home, took you to bed and left you there. I stayed in case of anything” Ichigo took a bite, “Oh! And Nanao stopped by, but she said that she’ll take care what she can today, so you can take the day off. She’ll stop by later to drop off anything important”

“Thank you” food was delicious, he thought “If you, don’t mind me asking, why did you stay Ichigo. I am surprised that Nanao is doing all that for me. Normally she’ll have me working through my hangover”. It took alot for his lieutenant to leave him with anyone. Then again Ichigo was not just anyone.

“I -” he set his plate down, “I knew why you drank so much. Last night, I mean. Normally you can hold your drinks, but yesterday, you drank more than usual. I was afraid you might be relapsing” he set his chopsticks down.

“I heard what happened, after the war. Nanao told me what you did some nights. Even you work hard to keep the peace, there were nights that you would drink excessively. Of course nobody could know that the Captain Commander of the Thirteen Court Guard Squads was drinking soo excessively, almost wanting to kill himself. I knew you lost precious people in the war, Gramps and Captain Ukitake. You try your best, but there are days that are too much for you”

“Are you going to scold me, like Nanao-Chan does?” Shunsui drank his tea, as much as he enjoyed the company he was particularly tired of Nano finding and scolding him. She tries to keep the relationship professional, but Shunsui wanted more of a familiar one, he didn’t mind his lieutenant keeping it the way things were, but sometimes he wanted his niece with him, not his lieutenant.

“No, you get that on a daily basis. I just want to be there on the bad nights, whenever things are tough for you, I want to help you. I promise not to tell anyone.” Ichigo dared not to say his true reason, otherwise Shunsui would never let him near.

“Once a healer, always a healer, eh, Ichigo? Your father and Captain Unohaha would be proud of you” he smiled. I need to keep an eye out for Captain Isane, he thought. The new captain of the fourth has tried to get Ichigo in her squad, but his inability to keep his kido in check has not made him a potential candidate.

“Well, if you don’t mind keeping me company, then let’s move outside, the day feels too wonderful to stay in” the older shinigami smiled. Shunsui wasn’t born yesterday, Ichigo had another reason, but for now he will accept the company.

Days went by before Shunsui told Nanao to bring more alcohol than usual, which was her cue to call Ichigo. She brought him the alcohol while Ichigo brought some reading material with him. He would let Shunsui have his time alone drinking and once he was sure he won’t see him, Ichigo would go in and stay by his side. Silently. Reading until Shunsui was ready to talk. The Captain Commander liked to talk when he drank, but those were few and far between and hardly anyone knew how to deal with it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

After a few times, Shunsui stop drinking excessively and instead started to ask for Ichigo to come. Of course they would drink together, but now it was in good company. Ichigo would talk about his day, while Shunsui would tell stories about him and Jyushiro. Then one night, Shunsui talked. Talked about his hopes and dreams, his regrets, his fears, and even his sadness. And Ichigo listened to it all. Not once he made a sound, or whispered a word of comfort.

Morning came, and Shunsui found himself resting his head in someone’s lap. Ichigo’s lap. He didn’t feel any regret or sadness. More like relieved. Relieved that someone stayed with him all night long to even offer their lap as pillow. He studied the young man. Asleep he looked young, but at the same time battle worn. He still kept his hair short, no longer the long spikes he had before his son was born. A few wrinkles here and there, but handsome. Shunsui felt something warm in his chest, looking he saw Ichigo’s hand over his heart. The older man couldn’t help but hold the hand with his. How he wished he could have done this with Jyushiro. Waking up with him on his side. Old Man Yama did not approve of such relationships, especially when someone could die so suddenly, but did try to turn an eye when ever he could. He knew love, but Central 46 did not.

He took a big breath. He will not regret his relationship with Jyushiro, but instead cherish it. They had a wonderful life together, and he would tell him to move forward.

But could he?

Would he?

Did he even deserve it?

~~~~~

A few years had passed. Time had no importance since hardly anyone was a threat. Peace had come and everyone relished on it. Shunsui finally gave in asked Ichigo to dinner.

At first testing the waters, he had an inkling about Ichigo’s interest, but he wasn’t sure about himself. Sure they talked a lot, but looking as a love interest was a different thing. He and Jyushiro took a while and a lot of convincing from Shunsui before they started seeing each other. This was different. Shunsui was an old shinigami, and Ichigo was still considered a new shinigami, despite coming to Soul Society in his previous life. One would think he would go with Byakuya, or Kenpachi, even Grimmjow, but instead he seemed to be more with Shunsui. 

After their first dinner together, came another. Then another. And another. It seemed they still like each other’s company even as lovers. Shunsui still took his time, he was not young as before, but there was no need to rush this either. Ichigo seemed to think the same. 

~~~~~~

Another year passed when they fell in bed together. 

Just them sleeping.

Central 46 ran them to the ground with meetings from the new Academy recruits, to the Hollow activity from the Living World. Taking care of matters too long and explaining to non-shinigami was even longer. Eventually ended with a good ol’ Ichigo-style. Central 46 may have power over the Shinigami, but not him. He still was not an academy recruit, and only helped the Court Guards because he wanted to. Once chastised enough, he warned them to not bring topics they were not willing to hear solutions for, and they needed to advance forward and not stick to their old ways. 

Tired and weary, Ichigo walked Shunsui to his room, before he could leave to his, Shunsui pulled him to his bed and on top of his chest. Once the orange haired shinigami was on top of himself, he wrapped his arms around him and fell asleep. Ichigo tried to wake him, to even pulling away, but Shunsui just tightened his hold on him. After a few minutes and exhaustion getting to him, he surrendered to Shunsui’s hold. 

Waking up to each other’s arms was something they could not describe. If felt new but at the same time comfortable. Desired even.

~~~

Time went by again. 

It’s amazing how the years go when there was no threat of war, or even of revenge. After more than one thousand years, Soul Society has finally come to a time of peace. 

Of course, times of remembrance were somber. War did not come without a price.

Ichigo would relapse to a fight from the Quincy war and Shunsui would be there to bring him back slowly. Loosing Zangetsu was heart-wrenching. Falling to Askin’s poison was hard, so many depended on him to keep going only to fall. Trying to fight the Quincy King was even harder, almost loosing at the end. Shunsui was there to bring it back from it all. They would talk hours about his battles, and helping face his demons and fears. 

Shunsui was not spared either, even as a veteran fighter, there were still times he would cry himself awake. But unlike Ichigo they were not of fights, but of Jyushiro. He had time to reflect on the battles even go to Jyushiros grave to talk, but he still felt the loss of his previous lover.

Now with Ichigo beside him the dream have all but faded. They didn’t come as often as before, but he feared Ichigo would feel that he was a replacement. Ichigo promptly said that he didn’t feel as such, but he honored their relationship. They were together for a long time he wouldn’t dare not asking Shunsui to forget about Jyushiro.

They helped each other. Fix whatever needed fixing and allow emotions to run their course. The Quincy war took much from them, but they can help give as much as they could to each other.

~~~

Nearly everything was brought down by a single letter left on top of Ichigo’s bed. It had been opened and read before, but it wasn’t the fact that Ichigo would leave something like that out in the open, but it was more of who wrote to him. Normally Ichigo would talk about these things, but this he kept to himself for a good while.

Shunsui’s curiosity peaked, and while normally he would honor his lover’s privacy, this was very suspicious, as longer he looked the writing seemed more familiar. When he couldn’t hold himself back, he grabbed the letter. Reading it’s contents and the signature at the end, he didn’t know whether to be angry or sad at either participants. 

Instead he would take a deep breath and ask Ichigo about the letter. 

We’re all the years a lie?

Why?

Why would Jyushiro write this?

~~~

When Ichigo arrived in the night, he didn’t expect any company. He thought Shunsui would be busy all day with work that seemed to pile up out of nowhere. 

He didn’t expect for Shunsui to be waiting for him. Sitting on his bed. With Jyushiros’s letter in its hand.

Ichigo paled at the sight. Shunsui pinned him at his sight. He pulled Ichigo more into his room, closed the door, and ward the falls. Nobody needed to know of their conversation, and the spiritual pressure they will sure feel.

“How long?” He asked.

“What?” Ichigo managed to composed himself. He should have taken care of the letter, he should have put it away. He was so stupid.

“How long did you have this letter?”

“Since I came to the Soul Society.”

“Why did you never tell me about this?”

“It was his last wish. He knew you wouldn’t move on on your own was he was worried for you. He didn’t want you to blame yourself for the War. But at the same time he knew you needed time and would move as you needed to.”

“His last wish” he spat out. “So it was his wish for you to pretend to be with me? His wish to make sure I wouldn’t go and let loose on Soul Society?”

“Of course not! I’m with you because I wanted to be! You know what happened to us in the war, I wanted to be there for you. Jyushiro’s only wanted what was best for you”

“Really? What was best for me? What about him? Did he want to be sacrificed, only to be absorbed by that monster?”

“Jyushiro was dying, Shunsui. He wouldn’t have made it out from the war”

“Really? How do you know? When you were with the Zero Squad?”

That hurt, Ichigo tried not wince from the words, but he knew Shunsui was only lashing out from the pain.

“He sent me another letter, explaining why he sent this one first” he moved towards his drawer, taking out another letter to give to Shunsui, like the previous, opened and read multiple times before. Shunsui took the letter and read, Ichigo lighting a lamp to help, it was getting too dark.

Jyushiro apologized for giving Ichigo such a request. It may have been greedy on his part, but he couldn’t help but notice how Ichigo would look at Shiunsui, and he didn’t blame him. Instead he wished he would have come forward, he didn’t know what response they would have given him, but something would have come this.

He also wrote how Shunsui may be angry when he found out about this. Like Jyushiro knew he would find the first letter, whether Ichigo left it in his bed or years more into their relationship.

He also explained he did not have long to live, he left his life ebbing away, and even with more trips with Unohaha would not help fix the illness that is becoming more rapid in spread. If he had a choice in leaving Soul Society it would be giving his fellow Shinigami a chance to have a new Soul King.

He continued on, with more explanation and apology for his hasty first letter. Once finished, Shunsi couldn’t stop his tears from falling, setting the letter aside he looked to Ichigo, seeing the younger man in tears as well.

“May I?” He muster whatever strength he had left, with Ichigo’s permission he grabbed the letters, “It would be best to have a few days alone, Ichigo. I need some time to think.”

"Yes, of course" he didn't turn to face him, instead he stood facing the bed. as soon as he heard the door shut, he fell to his knees, his face in his hands, weeping. He had no one to blame but himself, if he had been honest from the start they would not be here. He had no one to blame but himself.

He didn't care if anyone heard him cry.

The next few weeks were hell for Ichigo. As much as he wanted to see Shunsui, wanting to apologize, he honored his request. He wouldn’t be surprised if he called the relationship off. Nobody kept secrets from their significant other, and Ichigo did just that. Even at Jyushiro’s request, he should have told Shunsui about it.

After a few days from their talk, Byakuya took Ichigo to his manor. He couldn’t stand seeing the Savior of Soul Society like this. To be honest he never saw Ichigo like this before, even when his Shinigami powers were taken away. He knew the relationship between the young man and the Captain commander, even supported it, but he wondered what happened to them that left Ichigo like this. Sad. Helpless. Void.

He tried to get him to spar. See if that brought him back. Then to talk what happened, see if he could offer any advice. Even asking him for a walk around the gardens. Nothing worked, and the young man seemed to deteriorate even further.

It looks like Captain Byakuya needed to have a word with the Captain Commander Kyoraku.

~~~

“Captain Byakuya, is there something I can help you with?” Byakuya needed to take a second look. Normally Captain Commander was cheerful, lively, and a tad annoying with his carefree attitude. This Captain Commander was serious, and straight to the point. This may prove tricky.

“Captain Commander. Yes, it is regarding about one of our own” he started cautiously, mentioning Ichigo may prove to be counterproductive. 

“Oh? Who?” Shunsui interlaced his fingers together. Byakuya was not one to worry about a fellow Shinigami.

“Ichigo, sir” the Head Clan leader said, but Shinsui’s stance, his patience is thin, and in no mood of circling around in the matter.

“What about him?” Shunsu would have winced from his own cold tone, but he was tired and wanting nothing more for the day to end.

“Before I say anything, if I may ask, what happened between you two?” He tried to keep a critical eye on the older shinigami.

“It does not involve you, Byakuya. I’m surprised you’re even asking, considering you don’t worry about those who are not your family.” Shiunsi narrowed his eyes at the younger shinigami.

“With all due respect, sir, Ichigo is family. From the moment he saved my sister he became family. From the moment he stripped himself of his powers, he became my family. From the moment he heard what could have been my final words, he became someone I cared about besides Rukia and Renji. For all that he gave to Soul Society, I think me caring about him is little to give in return. So in a way it does involve me, Shunsui.” How dare that man say he did not care.

“It’s between both of us.”

Byakuya did not budge, if he had to fight him for the answer he will.

Seeing how Byakuya did not move from his spot and the day seemingly never ending, Shunsui relented. He wanted to drink the day away. Away from Ichigo.

“He was hiding something really important from me. A letter from Jyushiro.” Byakuya’s eyes widened, this did not sound like Ichigo at all.

“Why? It does not -”

“He did, and I have the letter here to prove it” he took them out from the drawer.

“Did he explain why?” Whatever the content of the letters would stay between Ichigo and Shunsui, he will not pry.

“Apparently Jyushiro asked him to. Before he sacrificed himself, he wrote a letter asking Ichigo to look after me. Afraid that I would become unhinged. For all that I know whatever we have - had- is a farce.”

“Did you ask Ichigo if he felt the same way? We both know anyone would have a request for him, but it was up to Ichigo if he wanted to carry it out.”

“I did not” he looked down, knowing it was something he should have done, but with emotions running high he didn’t want to risk saying something he would regret. “I was too angry to ask him anything, and I asked him for some time apart, while I thought about this.”  
Byakuya couldn’t help but sigh. He wondered if he was talking to someone in a new relationship. In a way it was, Shunsui wasn’t seeing anyone after the war, so quite a few decades it has seemed, until Ichigo began living in Soul Society permantly.

“As you may have heard Captain Commander, Ichigo is under my care in the Kuchki Manor.” He informed the Head Captain.

“Really? Why? What happened? Is he okay?” His head shot up at Byakuya’s words.

“Apparently, Ichigo has not been himself the past few weeks, reports of him not eating, and rarely coming out of his room, only to bathe. Otherwise he stayed in his room, until a few weeks ago.

“I found him nearly unresponsive when I heard what was going on. I took him to my Manor and tried to get him to respond. He will only do what I ask him, but left to his own devises he just sits outside or in bed all day. So I will ask you, Shunsui, have you thought about it? We both know Ichgio does not do thing he does not want to. True Jyushiro may have requested Ichigo from saying anything, but maybe it was Ichigo who truly wanted to be with you. All these years I have not seen you this happy since Jyushiro. Ichigo brought that back, maybe he brought you more than what you thought, and seeing Jyushiro’s letter may have brought some unpleasant memories, but you must move on. Whether Ichigo’s by your side or not, you must move forward. 

“If you decide for Ichigo not be with you, I suggest you let him know. While he may not be in the right state of mind, but he needs to know. If you take too long in your answer Ichigo will be lost and this time he will not come back to us.”

“You sound like you care about him” Shunsui never heard him speak like that about anyone, not even Hisana.

“If Ichigo had not been with you, I would have asked him to spend all those years with me” Byakuya left. He respected their relationship and dared not to interfere, but he will not let the person he loves deteriorate in front of his eyes. Not like before. Not like Hisana.

Shunsui sat down, looking at the last two letters of Jyushiro. Both Jyushiuro and Byakuya were right, Ichigo did not do things he didn’t want to do. If he went to Shunsui was because he wanted to, if he had dinner with him was because he was curious of the man, if he slept at his side was because he cared for him. If it was at Jyushiro’s request, he would do what he could without getting too involved.

What a stupid idiot. If Old Man Yama was here, for sure he would give his former student a good smacking.

He cared for Ichigo. He would even say he loved Ichigo. But first things first, he needed to finish his work for the day and think what he would say to Ichigo.

~~~~

Nanao was very accommodating a few days later, even to letting have an few days off. Was it that obvious that something happened?

“Please give Ichigo my regards, Uncle” she quickly went to her work. Shunsui only nodded.

He arrived shortly to the Manor, after explaining his visit the old woman nodded and showed him to the younger man’s room. It seemed Byakuya warned them of his visit.

“Ichigo, dear” the old woman knocked, “you have a visitor” she opened the door “please be gentle, he has not been himself the past few weeks, and he is very dear to us.” Shunsui tipped his hat in both thanks and acknowledgment of the lady’s request.

“If we may have privacy, please ma’am” he whispered, not wanting to disturb the sight in front of him, the woman nodded and closed the door behind him.

Shunsui saw that time was not kind to Ichigo. His face looked sunken, his hair not the bright orange he loves to run his hands through, and his eyes looked far away. For the first time in weeks, Shunsui felt guilty for not coming to his senses earlier. Ichigo truly loves him, of that he knows of now.

Stepping closer he called Ichigo softly. Ichigo startled at the voice, he was expecting Rukia or even Renji. Never Shunsui. 

Turning towards the sound of the voice he whispered, “Shunsui”, but he dared not to move. Did he deserve to touch him? To talk to him? To be even in the same room as him?

Seeing the dilemma of the young man before him, Shunsui stepped closer to Ichgo, answering his questions, he will not hug him until the younger man wanted to. He knew he wanted desperately, but he also wanted to talk to him first. He sat down next to him, and set his straw hat to the side.

“Forgive me, Ichigo. I’ve been a stubborn man. An idiot stubborn man”

“No need” his voice croaked, his voice, Shunsui thought, “wait Ichigo” he quickly stood and grabbed a pitcher and cup, filling the cup with water before setting the pitcher down and offer the cup to Ichigo. The younger man in turn took the cup and drank.

“No need” he repeated, voice a little better, but not the same as before, “you’re the Captain Commander, of course you’ll be busy” he tried to deflect.

“True, but I was stubborn. There were times I had no work, but refused to see you or even think about that night.”

“It’s okay, Shun- Kyoraku. I wanted to give you space, I shouldn’t have hidden it from you”

“Shunsui, please” Ichigo saying his family name did not feel right, “I selfishly took the time and not think about it. I don’t blame you for it. You did what you thought it was right and followed Jyushiro’s advice. I was angry because I thought you were using that excuse to be with me.”

“Of course not,” Ichigo’s voice wavered, tears falling. It hurt to hear that, but Shunsui’s right, one would think that way. “I wanted to be with you, the time we had together was wonderful and it was wrong of me to hide it”

“I know that now” he looked at him, reaching to wipe a tear away. Ichigo leaned at the hand when it didn’t leave his face. It felt so good to have his hand on his face. The warmth he missed.

“I read the letters again and I realized something. Jyushiro’s request, was that, just a request, you did all you did all these years because you wanted to.” Ichigo nodded. “You’re not the kind of man that would do the bare minimum, but at the same time not get involved too much. I know that. When I head you were not well, I was worried. In that moment, I realized you mean more than I thought. That our time apart, I still cared about you” Taking the earlier action as a sighn, Shunsui pulled Ichigo to him.

“I’m so sorry, Ichigo. I’m so sorry for making you wait.” He whispered to him. Ichigo didn’t hold back, the weeks alone came barreling out and sobbed on Shunsui’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry, Shunsui. I’m so sorry for hiding this from you” Ichigo sobbed. He was so worried, if Shunsui did not want to be with him, he didn’t know what to do.

“No Ichigo” he pulled the man closer to him, “there is nothing for you to apologize, I was a stubborn fool. A stubborn fool not seeing what was really there. I saw Jyushiro’s letter and I just saw red. I thought our time together was farce, but it never was. You stayed with me because you wanted to, never out of duty.”

“Please forgive this foolish man,” he rested his forehead again the orange haired man, “Please forgive me. Can you give us another chance?” He looked at his eyes. Hoping Ichigo would not hate him, or resent him.

Ichigo nodded, “I do. Yes, the weeks without you were the worst” Shunsui didn’t hesitate to kiss the younger man.

They never noticed Byakuya closing the guest door. 

~~~~~

Ichigo’s recovery took a while, and while he was grateful for Byakuya’s help but knew he couldn’t intrude any longer. Instead of going back to his old room, he moved the first barracks, with Shunsui.

Both Shunsui and Ichigo used the recovery time to talk. About their past and their future together. They took their time slow, relearning about each other, and this time they shared everything. No secrets. If they wanted this to work, honesty is the best approach.

Then the nightmares started.

It wasn’t until a few months after Ichigo’s recovery that Shunsui would cry in his sleep. 

At first Ichigo would wake him and ask about it, but Shunsui could never tell what made him cry. It would continue on, until it Ichigo noticed that the constant waking would affect both their duties, so instead the younger man opted to ask his older lover in the morning. Still, Shunsui could not remember what his dreams where about.

Then one night he mentioned a name. One that would make Ichigo regret ever going to the Zero division.

“Jyushiro”

It wasn’t a shock, but it was a surprise that his nightmare would start a few years later. Most cases they started as soon as possible.

After that Ichigo would hold Shunsui and whisper apologies. Hoping his voice would be heard in his lovers dreams.

Those nights became cold. 

~I&S~

Even at each other’s embrace, the nights felt cold. They didn’t understand why, but they kept trying to keep each other warm.

Even a night as tonight. This time Shunsui was careful not to stir or even disturb his spiritual pressure. Instead he heard Ichigo apologize. The older shinigami was not stupid to think why.

Ichigo blamed himself for Jyushiro’s death.

This would be a conversation for the morning. Shunsui kept in his position, sleeping a restless sleep.

“Ichigo, can we talk” Shunsui asks after breakfast, he wanted to take him and make him realize what happened all those years ago was not his fault.

“Uh, sure. What do you want to talk about?” Ichigo finished dressing and followed Shunsui.

Ichigo followed his lover past the barracks and into the outskirts, but not near the Rukongai. Instead it was near the first barracks, but far enough not to be easily seen.

Ichigo looked ahead and saw the stone tablet. Coming closer he could see some benches were near and shade over the tablet and benches, along with an inscription on the stone tablet.

Looking at the inscription, Ichigo paled a bit. Shame filled his whole being.

“Jyushiro Ukitake”

“Not only did I want to talk to you today, but also show you something” he took his straw hat off.

“Hello, Jyushiro, brought Ichigo with me today like I promised” he said as he took out a bottle of sake and a cup. “He was a little stubborn in coming, but I managed to get him here” he poured some sake into the cup.

“Now help me put some sense into him” he smiled.

“Ichigo” he turned to the young man, “I know that I never apologized for my questions, and made you feel at fault. I never apologized and now you’re paying the price once again.” He stoped the young man from talking. No, Ichigo would not brush this off.

“Ichigo, what happened in the war was not your fault. Jyushiro sacrificed himself because he wanted to. Whether you came back sooner or later would not have mattered. Jyushiro knew the price to pay and he payed it willingly. In doing so he gave us a chance to gather our forces and fight back.”

“But if I have not killed the soul king, Jyushiro would not have”

“Soul King would have been struck by Juha. You were doing something really important and because of that we won, Renji and Rukia would have never married, you and Orihime would not have Kazui, the Vizored would not have a safe have, and peace between Hueco Mundo and Soul Society would never have happened. You have done so much for us Ichigo, and we can never begin to repay you”

Ichigo stayed silent. It was true, if he didn’t have he Zero’s squad training, he would have barely done anything. Let alone save the three worlds with Renji and Aizen. If Jyushiro did not sacrifice himself then there would be no Soul Society. Jyushiro was dying and he made his choice of death. 

“I’m sorry,” the younger began, “I keep thinking if you would be happier with Jyushiro than with me, I hear you cry at night and I feel so helpless for it.”

“I say his name?” Shunsui was surprised, he thought it would have been from the war, he did almost loose Nanao.

Ichigo nodded, “almost every night now. I try to wake you but I just let you be. Since you always forget about them in the morning.”

Shunsui sighed, this was not expected. Maybe he missed his previous lover more than he thought. 

“I will not lie, there will be times I miss Jyushiro terribly, but he is gone. And even if he were here he would encourage me to approach you. He knew you were attracted to me, so he would eventually joke around with it” he laughed.

“Jyushiro knew?” The younger face turned red. True he read the letters, but he thought he found Shunsui interesting.

Shunsui laughed, “of course he did, you were subtle about it, but when you reach my age you find the tells”

“Oh Kami” Ichigo put his face in his hands, this was getting embarrassing. 

“He understood though, but I must ask, why you never approached me?”

“Are you kidding me? Anyone would see that you two were together, and I didn’t want to ruin that or even try to get together with you. You two had something special, something treasured. I was a hormonal kid that barely understood the foundation of Shinigami. If I had approached you then, you would’ve rejected me, and rightfully so.”

“I see your point, but maybe not rejected you, but would have told you to wait a few years before asking again. You were just a kid, it could have been a passing crush, so any potential feelings back then would have gone away. I think you and Jyushiro would have gotten along well” Shunsui smiled, Ichigo brought good points.

“I’d like to think so too, he and I had good conversations” he leaned to the larger man, missing the other captain as well. He may have a crush on Shunsui, but Jyushiro was also there, not as strong, but something to think of.

“Do you think the others would have something to say to a trio?” Ichigo looked at his lover.

Shunsui rubbed his chin in thought, “probably a few, but they would have been silenced quickly. It’s not unheard of to have multiple partners, but it’s mostly kept quiet. As long as it didn’t hurt anyone or their duties they were pretty much left alone”

“Did you and Jyushiro had another partner?” He was curious, he wasn’t a fool. He knew at their age, they could have multiple people joining them, but whether they stayed was another reason.

“Yes, but for one reason or another they did not stay. It was fine, while it hurt, it was better off that way, they eventually found someone they loved” he smiled sadly, some did love them for a time, but found what they were truly looking for, others weren’t so happy.

“Was Aizen one of them?” Damn, Ichigo was not pulling his punches today, Shunsui winced.

“Yes, he was” he bowed his head.

“I’m not surprised” he leaned on the bench with his arm, “I wonder what he would say looking at us now?”

“You’re not mad?” The older man was surprised, he thought the orange haired man would be angry.

“Of course not. I mean the Aizen you knew was different than the Aizen I knew. It would be childish of me to be angry for a relationship that happened before I was born” he smiled. Honestly, give the savior of soul society some credit here.

Shunsui couldn’t help himself but hug him, “how can you be this understanding?” He whispered in his lovers ear. Ichigo only hugged him in return, he wondered how the past relationships had taken this information if Shunsui was this surprised.

“You gotta remember, old man” he couldn’t help but jab at the age, “I’m not a Shinigami, but also Hollow and Quincy. So I’m not really in a position to judge others in relationships”

The wind blew a bit and tree branches swayed, the flowers flying briefly through the wind. Both men took the calmness to enjoy the moment together. 

They continued talking some more, and Shunsui took his time and asked Ichigo questions, about his life before coming to Soul Society, and Ichigo in turn talked about his family. 

About Orihime’s weird cooking tastes.

About Kazui’s growing Shinigami powers and continuing the Kurosaki Clinic.

About Karin’s soccer profession.

About Yuzu’s bakery.

Ichgio talked about it all.

Shunsui in turn smiled at the stories, and thanked Kami for allowing his lover to have a good life before coming to Soul Society permanently. He thanked Orihime for her love to Ichigo and thanked Kazui for making his father proud. Kazui is still alive so it may be a few decades before he comes to Soul Society. It may be a few years before Orihime would appear in the Rukongai, he wondered if Ichigo would leave him for her.

That would be a worry for another day.

~I&S~

Ichigo moaned at the feeling of being filled, large hands holding his hips close to the body below him. Shunsui groaned at the sight.

His lover was beautiful, even with him riding, he was sight to see.

He didn’t want to pull out, feeling rather content being inside his lover. But Ichigo had other ideas, he began to lift himself off, but Shunsui held his hips and pulled Ichigo down, making both moan at the feeling.

“You have got to be kidding me” Ichigo shook in pleasure. 

“What do you mean, love” Shunsui slowly began to thrust once more.

“You just got finishing inside of me, how can you go another round so soon?” The younger gave in, moving his hips.

The older man chuckled, and sat up, still inside his lover and moved them together.

The thought of Orihime coming to Soul Society was gnawing at him, so he treasured every sight, every tough, every sound of them together. He shouldn’t hope for Ichigo to stay with him when she is coming.

Finising once more, he lifted Ichigo off and laid him down gently in the futon. With a kiss to the forehead, he got up to wash themselves. After wiping himself he went to Ichigo to clean him. Knowing his lover would barely be awake, after all Shunsui was not an easy lover, he may do it gently once in a while, but he really liked to give his all to this lover, Ichigo was not that far off from him.

Tonight may be different.

“What was on your mind?” Ichigo opened an eye to look at him, he felt Shunsui stop at his motions.

“What do you mean?” He leaned to rub his lovers head.

“You seemed distracted tonight. Like you were trying to memorize everything” he took a deep breath, trying to fight off the sleep.

“It’s nothing to worry about” the older lover continued washing, Ichigo grabbed his hand

“It didn’t seem like nothing” he turned his lovers face to him, “talk to me, what is on your mind?” He whispered.

Shunsui touched foreheads, “I’m worried” he gave in, “you know Orihime passed away and the time rate of a soul to pass to the Rukongai is near. I’m worried that once Orihime is here you may leave me and go with her.”

“Shunsui” he sat, “Shunsui look at me” one getting his lovers attention, “I loved Orihime, and she was an amazing wife and mother, but my place is here with you” to affirm he kissed the older man.

“But -”

“No buts, I like to think I build a good life with her, but that was it. That was the past, and if I went with her I would be living on the past, who is to say the Orihime that may appear on the Rukongai be same Orihime that I knew before. No, I may check on her once in a while, making sure she is okay and is living a comfortable life, maybe she’ll be a shinigami and be on the Fourth Squad.

“My future is with you, Shunsui Kyoraku. I don’t know how long the time of peace will last or how long we will be together, but I know I want to spend it with you. So please, don’t think for a second I will leave you” he kissed him deeply, trying to convey his feelings. Shunsui couldn’t help but shed a tear, once more Ichigo proved him wrong.

“We really need to learn how to talk about these things” Ichigo chuckled, Shunsui agreed, but it was something they both could continue learn in doing.

Ichigo pulled Shiunsui to bed, then pulled the sheets. Usually Shunsui would pull Ichigo close to him, but tonight Ichigo pulled Shunsui close to him. 

Shunsui was not bothered at the change, instead he wrapped his arms around his younger lover and laid his head on top of Ichigo’s heart, listening to his heartbeat.

Things will be alright for them.

**Author's Note:**

> Please be gentle with critique, it’s been a while, but I do want to get better.
> 
> If you would like to expand at this story, please do so!


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